Doesn’t cottage cheese kind of look like the worlds largest and most disgusting load of baby batter you’ve ever seen? It looks like Jesus took a day off, went to a novelty lounge, scrounged for some hot ass and dumped the worlds largest load EVER in a bowl. MMMM it’s rich and creamy and my stomach craves it! Thanks Jesus!
I love when you see someone that’s so drunk you can actually tell what they’re thining just from studying their facial expressions. My personal favorite is the “Ugh, I’m too drunk to stand, I wish I could just make it to the bathroom to hurl all over myself and whatever stupid CUNT is in there! Ugh, if only I could get my one foot in front of the other and end it all. End my fucking life. God damnit why can’t I get laid? Shit i’m fucking pathetic. I’ll just keep drinking until I can’t feel myself. Until I no longer breathe. I hope I just wake up tomorrow and I don’t have a clue where I am. Wait, oh yeah, here it comes, BLAHHHHHFFGHTELRJFOW!!! Whelp…time to go…” That’s got to be my favorite facial expression of ALL TIME!
I think it would be kind of cool for our dollar to completely reverse places in the world’s currency exchange. Like how the Japanese Yen is like 1,000 yen to our $1 USD. I’d much rather have $1,000 USD that equal 1 Yen. Then we would totally have more. Isn’t bigger better? Yah that’s right. I’ll be president some day. Or at least the voice inside my ass thinks so.
Some blues is cool. Some blues is dumpster; and by dumpster- I mean some stupid chick pretending she’s got a bad-ass voice while she spews diahrrea out of her mouth. That kind of blues belongs in the speakers of rest stop stalls.
I recently had three guys tell me @ work in Mickey’s Place, Cooperstown NY, that they wanted engraved bats. All three wanted the same engraving: “Roid To Heaven, Coops 2008.” What in the FUCK does that even mean? Either A) They’re retarded, B) They’ve never heard of word association, or C) They’re fuckin’ retarded. Not to mention I also recently had to engrave a Fraternity Bat with the year and initials of the pledges. I wanted to make that bat just about as much as I would like fire to blow out of each hole in my body while my skin slowly started to melt and fall off my disintigrating bones. Fuckin’ Fags. I hope they took turns slowly inserting and rotating that bat as far up each others’ asses as humanly possible; afterwards, they’re insides rotted from AIDS. Yeah I think it’s fair to say I think they sucked.
On that happy note, I’d like to take the time to wish everybody a happy weekend and a fun April Fools day to come! Don’t forget the all-too-familiar plastic-wrap-on-the-toilet- seat-trick. Gag, that’s a hoot! I just hope mom doesn’t punch me in the face again this year…
