Speaking of Dumpster Babies…

There are many things in this world that I hate and can’t stand; Dane Cook is absolutely one of them. Dane made is way onto the scene many years ago- circa 1998- in Harvard Square at a show called- To Catch a Rising Star- hosted at the time by comedian David Cross.
He has appeared on Comedy Central Presents and since then has had is own HBO Comedy Hour called Vicious Circle. That shit shoulda been called Vicious Diarrhea. He has also been awarded the rolls in over 15 films- those all incorporating amazing performances of a “no talent ass-clown.”

My personal favorite has got to be Employee of the Month which he co-starred in with actress/singer/songwriter/pig-blower/ass-chin/father-fucker, Jessica Simpson. Ohhhh the chemistry those two shared on screen. I’d compare it to that time I took a dump in my pants and proceeded to see how long it would take my ass cheeks to chafe from pure McDonald’s waste. That was some great chemistry between me and my ass!

There was also that movie he starred in with Jessica Alba this past summer…what was that called? I’m gay don’t worry about it? Shit, I don’t remember. In any event, that movie was probably equally as awesome and I’m sure they had some hot, steamy, wet, tea after those script readings.

Aside from his movie career as of late, I just don’t get it . I don’t think he’s funny. I think drunk people who can barely speak are funnier than him. I see drunk tards’ all the time at my local bar who I’d much rather stand aside from and laugh to their face at than listen to Dane Cook. Waiting was a perfect example of this. His entire roll in that movie is to be the punk, smart-ass, prep-cook who likes to fuck with people’s food. I think the only thing he said in that entire movie of any substance was “Fuck yeah…”

He made his start in stand-up. I’m not gonna say that I didn’t laugh at his first Comedy Central Presents, cause’ I did. However, after further review and multiple airings of that special, I realize now what I actually was laughing at was how fuckin’ retarded he actually is. Anybody can stand up in front of a buncha’ drunk retards and spew on and on about how life sucks and how you “wish you had alien blood.” Wow, that took some deep thinking and clever writing prose to come up with a bit like that…”I WISH I HAD THAT. FUCK YEAH, ALIEN BLOOD. WEEE I’M A FUCKING RETARD!! AREN’T I HOT LADIES…TOO BAD I’M A FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE FAG!”

That brings me to another point. I don’t ever remember hearing of any celebrity who actually likes Dane Cook. Every column or any article I’ve ever seen regarding him talks about what a cock-sucker he is. I’m speaking figuratively of course, but this could also be takin’ literally I’m sure; *wink* *wink* Dane!

I just remembered a time I was driving to Oneonta and was listening to Rain Man on K-Rock. He had the opportunity to interview Dane Cook on the air a few months back. I never listened in, but Rain Man said he was a huge fuckin’ asshole. All I’m sayin’ is if Rain Man says something you better-well fucking believe it man!!

If any of you who are reading this post have ever seen the movie Mr. Brooks… how great was what happened to Dane Cook at the end of this movie? Oh man…I almost didn’t allow my g/f to rent this movie solely because he was in it. Boy was I happy I let her do it. I was smiling the rest of the week over that one. For all of you who haven’t seen that movie; I highly recommend it. It’s somewhat suspenseful, Kevin Costner plays a pretty good creepy, rich, serial killer, and of course what happens to Dane Cook at the end is “mastercard priceless.”

Plain and simple…Dane Cook is a complete Dumpster Baby.